Clock is always ticking...but where is the snooze?

Fickle, Fickle, Fickle.

I go from one extreme to the other with EVERYTHING in my life - does this make me manic-depressive? Obsessive-compulsive? I'm sure I can take some kind of drug for it with side-effects such as "rectal bleeding, dizziness, rash when exposed to sunlight, increased fertility, and loss of hair."

I want kids, I don't want kids. I want to get married, I don't want to get married. I want a PhD - I...do I??????

I have been getting my Master's degree for almost 3 years now. if I finish on schedule - it will be 3 and 1/2 years. Ouch. That's like a bachelor's degree all over. Ouch. I was only supposed to be here 2 years.

I'd lie if I didn't admit I was jealous that my girl, Athene, just graduated (we started school at the same time.) She just got offered a job in Fort Worth - and I'm thrilled for her...I just wish I could get my own shit together. Now the truth is that I have been working/paying for school on my own - she's got a hubby who pretty much just supported her for the last 2.5 years and that is lucky for her.

I, however, have just consolidated 70,000 dollars in student loans and I have at LEAST 9 months left here. This is depressing me to no end. I need a REAL job again. Good Guy just insists that he'll support me soon, and when I graduate I can just pay off the loans as soon as possible. He's so sweet.

The clincher: I just met with my professor and he told me some GRAND ideas that I want to be a part of - one of them includes getting a PhD. God - this sooooo interferes with my plans of graduating...getting married...having kids....most of the time, I LOVE being a woman - proud of how strong we are, how much we are physically capable of, how much power we actually hold. But today - it SUCKS. Why do I feel like the clock is ticking so loud? Will a great opportunity just pass me by?? Or am I just too afraid to commit to anything and I'll remain in a perpetual state of student hell???