Good Guys vs. Bad Boys

I've pretty much run the gamut here. I currently run with a good guy - but incessantly find that my eyes drift...towards...you know it... the BAD BOY. It's crazy! A good guy will treat you like a princess, adore you, do anything you want. So why do I still feel so restless?? It makes me wonder...can I ever be happy with a good guy if I'm still lusting for the bad?

I guess the real issue is that it is all up to me. I have convinced myself that I love this good guy...but sometimes, I find myself wondering if I am good enough for HIM. Now we are treading in the real area. I think that somehow, I'll never be able to love him as much as he loves me. I love him - how can you not love a puppy dog? I am passionate and sexy with him, I know that to him, I am the greatest. Yet, to ME - I still feel not so great...there is so much I still need to improve on...and sometimes I turn that criticism to him.

My "list" of criteria for a man in my life is quite long - but I think I find a guy and try to make him fit into the rigid list...like fitting a really big man into a really small airplane seat - once you get one ass cheek in - the other cheek falls out. And you either decide it is still safe to ride with him - and enjoy your flight. Or you find another plane.

I used to jump planes in a heartbeat. But lately, I've been riding one that has been oh, so smooth. Such a loving man, I've pretty much done all the dating "no nos" - just to test him - and he's stuck around. But does a guy like that belong with a girl like me? Do I want a guy that never questions anything I do??

And so I begin to question the relationship - and then the eyes start to drift. I catch the good guy catching me looking...and he never says anything. But I remember being the enamored girl and wondering why my guy just couldn't be happy with me...and I have reversed the roles. That makes me sad and happy at the same time.

I have learned to control my wild behavior...settle down, I guess, but I won't lie...I miss it. I miss that I didn't have anyone else's heart to worry about but my own and that I could change partners at the drop of a hat. I miss the unfeeling sex and that I worried only about ME. But if I decided to leave my current love for something "bad" , I would miss the hugs, the kisses, the back scratches, the grocery-carrier, the adoring, sweet looks, the warm dinners, the cuddles, and, yes, the wonderful love-making sex. I have a lot more to lose now, then I did then, and THAT - is why good guys are so much better to wait for then the bad.

Ps. I started writing this, thinking I would convince myself to leave my good guy cuz I was missing the bad. I have changed my mind. Hoo-Ha. :-D