To be 19 again?

Well, after the crazy episode last Monday night, things were back to better than normal. We attended my Canadian ex-boyfriend's housewarming/birthday party over the weekend. His new girlfriend is 19. That's progress.

The Canadian and GG are still really good friends and work together- something I've secretly thought was not really good for our relationship as there is this lingering past around me.

The Canadian and I are still really attracted to each other as is apparent to us when we are alone and to everyone around us when we are not alone - most of all GG. We've (GG and I) had our talks about this. He just doesn't understand why I would want to be "friends" with a guy who treated me so poorly. So it's unusual and weird because I have this bad habit of trying to make everyone I've ever wanted to love - love me! Especially after we've broken up! I'm sure it has something to do with me and my relationship with my real dad...blah, blah, blah.

Anyhow, we went. To the party. I brought a bottle of wine because I was certain the 19 year old wouldn't drink it and in that way she wouldn't bond with me. (Unfortunately for her, I have already chosen not to like her and decided before meeting her that we would have nothing in common.) I don't know why, but I felt...jealous. She got him to LIVE with her. I couldn't even get him to say he was my boyfriend. What is so special about her? I suddenly feel very old.

We arrive early - I'll admit I was nervous - because no matter how badly he treated me - I still want to impress him - or at least make him regret...I know that sounds really bad. So, SHE (Baby) doesn't even greet me (she must be aware of our past) so I politely ask her for a wine opener so I can start chugging. Then, Canadian walks in and we both smile and hug each other hello. Now I start to feel relaxed - and glad that he is truly happy that I've come to celebrate the whole event.

So he is busy hosting and I just wander a little bit -to look around at the tiny tiny old house Baby's mom bought for them - realizing just how crappy the house is -and lack of furniture. Looks like they have no money - but I see a 59 inch projection tv, 4 guitars, a computer and a 30K car he just bought for himself that was sitting protectively in the garage...

He hasn't changed at all - he treats his guitars and his car better than he treats her...she isn't special...she is just 19...I wonder how long it will take her to dump his ass?

GG walks up to me right then and I smile warmly at him. He would never put me last. I whisper that I don't really like the house all that much, but its OK. He laughs and says that they don't have any money. We will never live in Corpus Crappus permanently.

We walk outside because the fans don't work in the house and the AC just won't cool the house down with all the people in it. At first it is just the two of us...then the Canadian comes out and starts chatting with us. I'm starting to feel lightheaded as GG keeps my glass filled. GG was by my side for most of the night -at least while the Canadian was around- to a point where I the only way I could be by myself was to go to the restroom. It was ok. I like that he wants to be around me.

Then some people that we know start to arrive - and all of a sudden, GG and I are starting to become the center of attention for everyone. We are cracking jokes about each other - playing off each other - a real entertainment team! I remember everyone laughing alot. (It gets pretty blurry here). I remember the wine bottle being empty - and then I remember GG holding my hand telling everybody goodnight...and then I remember waking up in bed...having wild sex. It was awesome. And then it is the next morning and I'm hungover and smell like booze. It's going to be a rough day.

GG rolls over and hugs me close. I'm so lucky to have him loving me. I really can't wait to be done with school so we can start our life and get our own house somewhere in Colorado or Wisconsin...or wherever. God my head hurts. I grin thinking about how great it is to be the cool couple. I had so much fun last night. Honey? Will you get me some water and aspirin? He jumps up immediately without question or groaning or misery.

I suddenly realize the Canadian would never do that. Things are just as they should be.

It's wonderful to be 35 and not 19.